LEAST educated

Great news fellow IE-ers, some of our very own have made the list of The LEAST educated cities in America. Give yourself a pat on the back for this accomplishment for I beleive we have worked hard to earn it...or maybe it's that we have not worked hard enough. I know, we have worked hard at doing nothing, that's better.

The illustrious Riverside, San Bernardino, and Ontario, CA have made the list so congrats to you, my friends!

Hot Spot- FedEx

Hooly is finally picking up the slack and contributing, let's all celebrate this momentous occasion.

WOOHOO!


Only, I am posting it because I'm some kind of personal assistant or something. What the heck? I should charge for my services...

Hooly's too busy planning for her big comedy show, Laughing Proud. Additonally, she is busy surrounding herself with real life soap opera drama. Truth, friends, and I promise that if she doesn't share it soon I am going to and I may change some facts to make it even more scandelous. On second thought, anything I can contribute would only make it sound tame. So get on with Hooly! We're waiting!!!

But seriously, here is our first IE Hot-Spot reccommendation. Brought to you by Hooly, via Cindy.

The most happening place in the Inland Empire isn’t the sports bar on the corner filled with bros cheering on their favorite teams - it’s the FedEx Office at the 5 o’clock rush.

People line up in droves at 4:45 in desperate attempts to get their packages out. What could be so important that it has to be shipped overnight with a direct signature? It’s the Inland Empire, an area known for it’s foreclosure rates, so one could only assume that most of the shipments are envelopes going out to banks with documentation that will hopefully get people’s home loans modified.

Come in at 4:45 on a weekday and you’ll agree that its definitely a hotspot.

Come in at 10:45pm and it’s usually slow, but it’s more popping than most places. Why is that? Because at 10:45pm in the Inland Empire what other places are open? Couldn’t think of one? Me neither.

So come in for your late night copy fix because that’s the only thing you will find open besides 7/11

Fontana, where the gangstas at?

Birthplace of the Hell's Angels.

In contrast to the neighbor to the west (Rancho Cucamonga) Fontana has a reputation for such things as: white trash (Nascar), drugs, Mexicans (not unique to SoCal), and crime.

Not too long ago I was driving in Fontana when I was regretfully forced to think the worst of the people in this city.

I approached a red light and sat patiently in my car, windows down, with the dreamy tunes of Jason Mraz coming from the radio. Suddenly, I was nearly deafened by the loud hip hop of the low rider that pulled up next to me. No big deal, I like me some hip hop, just don't appreciate the unexpected loudness.

The two men in the car next to me are dancing in their seats to the music, and I can tell they are looking at me. I get it, I'm hot stuff, I'd look at me too. The loud music and guys staring, that is in no way unique or noteworthy. The thing about this scene that makes it noteworthy is what they are drinking.

Both men, driver and passenger, are swinging cans of beer as they bounce to the music.

Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeze! Could you possibly be any dumber? Drinking while you drive, and at 1 in the afternoon, seriously that is a new level I didn't even know existed in the Inland Empire.

I'm willing to embrace a partial bad-reputation for our area because I realize that's kind of what makes us, but let's all agree that alcohol is best served outside a vehicle.

RC, you know it's lame when...

Rancho Cucamonga, the "Gateway to a Southern California Adventure," there are so many things to be said about this place. I called it home for many years (unlike my Ontario counterpart) and it will forever have a place in my heart.

Today is not the day to get into all the details of this place. But, it is the day to share with you a typical scene of boring I experienced today.

After another lazy day of unemployment spent with Vanessa at Victoria Gardens (the premier Inland Valley shopping centre) I was driving on Day Creek when I noticed flashing lights. As I appraoch I see three police cars with lights flashing, each car is empty with the officiers all standing outside talking. I'm thinking, "Oh snaps! Drug bust?" What else could possibly warrant three patrol cars? Now I should have remembered that I was in Rancho and that a drug bust is far more likely in Fontana or Ontario, but I let my imagination wander beyond logic. I tend to hope that there is more action in Rancho than there actually is, makes me feel like the city is more exciting and newsworthy.

Much to my dismay, I notice that a single car has been pulled over and the driver and passenger, both older women, do not look threatening nor like drug dealers.
What the heck? What a total let down, those police officers were just trying to pass another lame day in the suburbs. I suppose we are alike in that mission.

So, you know this city is lame when three officers are called to pull over late middle-aged women, and it was probably for a simple traffic violation.

Upland Lemon Festival

The Hooly and Cindy Show is now officially in production. "The what now?" The Hooly and Cindy Show is the internet project Hooly and I are working on in an effort to kill boredom while exploring the jewel that is the I.E.

Adventure number 1: Upland Lemon Festival

Upland is just barely in the Inland Empire, it's too white and wealthy to accurately portray the essence of the I.E., but nonetheless we include it in our show. For boring facts about the city visit the wikipedia page. For more enjoyable opinions I suggest urbandictionary. Here is post number three:

3.	Upland, CA	21 up, 15 down
	buy upland, ca mugs, tshirts and magnets 1. true, a phenomenally boring city 2. a city much like most suburbia, all the houses look the same and the city's wealth follows a class system, from the streets 6 th through 25th 25th being excessively rich, gaudy, and moronic 6th being dirt poor, and generally where the minorities live 3. the Beverly hills of the Inland empire, and Sanbernardino County, unbenounced that SB and the IE are both shit-heaps full of meth labs and ethnically driven violence 4. the whitest city in all of southern california, a city full of bitchy white women who drive SUV's and believe they understand anything about the world because they never leave their comfort zone of one block 5. a city so boring that the cops break up every single party because they have nothing to do whatsoever 6. calls itself "the city of gracious living" because it is stuck up and, literally, that pretentious 1. Those annoying bro hoes, Aren't they from Upland? 2. That fat-ass white woman, the one on the cell phone drinking starbucks profusely and being rude to everyone; theres an upland woman. 3. God, im so fucking bored, it feels like I'm in Upland, Ca. upland upland skatepark upland ca regiment ie

So many haters. Truth be told, if I was wealthy and living in the I.E., I'd pick Upland or Rancho for my abode. Does that make me pretentious? The houses along the foothills are gorgeous and I absolutely love the greenery of Euclid Avenue. Alas, I am but an unemployed, community college student, living in my parents home.

There was a general abundance of lemonade and fair booths, but an overall absence of lemon variety. Clearly, the festival is celebrated more out of tradition for the once thriving citrus business that blossomed in our homeland. There isn't much left of that today. Or maybe there is and we are just unaware of it? Perhaps we will do some research.

Regardless of the lack of lemons at the festival, it is still a nice event. It makes suburbia feel a little small town. Walking along main street (9th Street) feels like I'm walking through Stars Hallow on an episode of Gilmore Girls. If only we had the witty banter of Rory and Lorelai to offer to you, our viewers.

note: The first episode had no forethought or preparation, I just knew if we didn't do something soon we'd never do something because our habit of procrastination and laziness would control our inaction. Therefore, enjoy but don't be too critical. Just critical enough that we feel motivated to do another show that is better.